It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
