He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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