He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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