Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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