So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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