let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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