Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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