i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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