Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
