I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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