have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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