The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
These tits shall not be calmed
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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