You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
