please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This is my gift to your gina
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
