So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
