I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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