he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
