the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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