U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
