I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
