I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
