We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
