yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
