so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
