Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
