the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
