then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
