Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
