Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
