Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
