woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Randomize
