Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My feet surprised me
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