Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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