official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
