the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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