I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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