hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
