I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
