Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm passing your future prison.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
organizing the empties. That sober.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
