Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
