1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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