Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
