I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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