Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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