I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize