apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
