wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
