I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
