ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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