she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
