My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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