He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Randomize