I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
