Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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