Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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