Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
