i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
