somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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