I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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