dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
