He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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