last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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