Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Terrible idea I love it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
