oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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