hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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