great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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