About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
