I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
