Don't you send me to vm
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize