It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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