You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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