An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
