Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sext me about skeletons
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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