Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
