My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
