I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
