He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
