Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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