Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
