is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
