her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
