I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
