sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
