Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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