I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
