Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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