this boner is exhausting
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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