Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
