Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
