I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
