Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
