I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
