I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize