Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
