how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
