oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
