I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So much rum. So many feels.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
