Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
