Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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