so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
