Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
