dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
