at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
