just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
