i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
