Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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