first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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