So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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