Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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