My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
