And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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